Feb. 9th, 2009

beyond_the_pale: (Default)

Your hair is out of control. Today, when removing my keys from my pocket, I found myself tied to them by one of those three foot long monsters. It had worked its way into some kind of keratin Gordian knot with a loop large enough for me to fit my whole hand through.

It was aggravating, but there was a side benefit. As the keys seemingly floated about eight inches below my outstretched hand, I was able to scream "AHHH! I've been magnetized!" and scare the crap out of some random lady in the Whole Foods parking lot. I've not had much of a chance to cause random panic in a few days, so I'm almost willing to overlook this episode. However, as this type of scenario and ones even more bizarre have happened hundreds of times over the years, I think it is time to take action.

Seriously, I know you love your tresses. Your hair is very healthy and beautiful. However, I feel like I'm living with Cousin It. You'll notice It's hair was also healthy and beautiful and completely out of control.

I know you're not going to cut your hair. So, as a compromise, I suggest we spend 5 minutes each day vacuuming your head. We can use the 5 horsepower shop-vac I use to suck up bolts, leaves and surprised cats. I think this is the only piece of equipment we own that can handle your hair. Consider it a modern take on a primitive grooming ritual. Do we have a deal?


beyond_the_pale: (Default)

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